No, It's Not Fair. So What?

How does not accepting a situation help us?

It’s not fair.   Ok.

This isn’t what I wanted.  Ok.

Nobody else has to deal with this.  Ok.   And probably not true.

I just want to be happy.   Ok.


If you’re like me you’ve heard, “accept what is” and “surrender to the situation,”

And you’ve “loved” those sayings as much as I did.

I saw accepting and surrendering

As passive.

As giving up and just staying where I was.


Until I didn’t.


We think not accepting the situation

Helps fuel our commitment to get OUT of that situation.

But, it actually had me

Burning so much energy.

At war,

Pushing, pushing, pushing.

Instead of …



My experience is that accepting my situation

Lets me actively choose

How I’m going to be with it.

Lets me start to respond,

Rather than react.


Not going to make the tough stuff

Slide away.

But in a strange way,

You begin to work through that stuff.

Going with the current,

Rather than pushing up against it.


So it can still suck,

The hard stuff.

But you begin to walk it,

With more of a sense

Of choice.

Of your personal power.

Of what you want to create.


When we surrender or accept

We actually have more energy,

See more options.

Because we’re not expending

Energy and pain,

In the act of simply fighting



Change your relationship to what’s happening.

Without changing what is.


Where do you have choice right now?

How is this happening for you?

How did something like this in your past end up serving you?


I wonder,

If we let go of the idea

That life is supposed to be fair,

Accept it’s not even part of the design,

And that that is perfect,

If we’d find ourselves

In acceptance and surrender


Which means we’d begin

Working through our stuff

While flowing with it. 

Rather pushing against it.